Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in the
same place, no matter how hard you try to move forward?
In my years as a psychologist, working with
men from all walks of life, I’ve seen a common pattern: Many of them
unknowingly sabotage their own progress. It’s not due to a lack of
intelligence, talent, or even motivation—it’s the habits they’ve developed.
These habits create invisible roadblocks,
keeping them from achieving their goals, whether in their careers,
relationships, or personal growth. The frustrating part? Most men don’t
recognize these behaviors for what they are: self-sabotage.
Today, we’re breaking it down. Here are seven
self-sabotaging habits that might be holding you back—and what to do about
them.
Let’s dive in.
1. Bottling up emotions
Ever found yourself saying, “I’m fine” when
you’re clearly not?
It’s tempting to ignore pain or frustration,
especially if you grew up believing that “real men” don’t talk about their
feelings. But here’s the thing: unprocessed emotions don’t just vanish; they
often show up later as anger, resentment, or self-doubt.
Daniel Goleman, a leading voice in emotional
intelligence, backs this up. He has noted:
“..the ability to monitor feelings from moment to moment is crucial to
psychological insight and self-understanding. An inability to notice our true
feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their
feelings are better pilots of their lives..”
Trust me, if there’s one skill that truly drives progress, it’s the ability to
recognize what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and how to channel those
emotions productively.
2. Trying to do
everything alone
This is a big one.
Many men feel like they have to handle
everything solo. But constantly flying solo can lead to burnout and missed
opportunities.
As Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius (one of
the most powerful men in the world at the time) wrote to himself
in his journal, “Do not be ashamed to be helped”. If he wasn’t
afraid of help, why do so many men shy away from it?
Collaboration creates synergy, and synergy is
where true growth happens.
3. Downplaying
accomplishments
Sometimes, men who feel stuck don’t even see
their own wins. They brush them off with, “It was no big deal.”
But when you consistently minimize your
achievements, it’s like telling yourself (and others) that your efforts aren’t
worth celebrating. Over time, that can chip away at your confidence.
Let me share a quick anecdote: I recently had
friend who landed a major promotion, yet he told everyone it was just “luck.” I
picked up on this and let him know. After some reflection, he realized he had
worked extremely hard for that role and it was time to own it.
Embracing your successes gives you the fuel to
keep moving forward.
4. Over-apologizing
This might sound odd, but over-apologizing is
a real pattern that holds a lot of men back.
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Sure, apologizing when you’ve truly messed up
is admirable. But saying “sorry” excessively—like when someone else bumps into
you, yet you’re the one who apologizes—sends a message that you believe you’re
always at fault.
A healthier approach? Acknowledge what
happened without shouldering blame you haven’t earned.
Here’s a simple example of this: one of my
clients replaced “Sorry I’m talking so much” with “Thank you for listening,”
and felt an immediate boost in confidence.
This sort of shift can really reshape how you
see yourself and how others respond to you.
5. Self-criticism on
repeat
“Why did I mess that up? I’m such an idiot.”
Does thoughts like this ever cross your mind?
Negative self-talk can become so automatic
that you don’t even notice it anymore. And yet, it informs how you carry
yourself, the decisions you make, and the risks you’re willing to take.
When you treat yourself with respect on the
inside, you’ll naturally carry yourself with more assurance on the outside.
6. Avoiding
Vulnerability
“Vulnerability is weakness.” That myth has
stopped many men from seeking close friendships, healthy romantic
relationships, or the freedom to truly be themselves.
In reality, hiding behind a stoic front can
lead to isolation, which stalls personal growth. As Brené Brown, whose research
is highly regarded here at Moriah Mills, has said:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and
creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and
authenticity.”
Recognizing your vulnerabilities allows you to
transform them into strengths. Whether it’s opening up to a friend about a
career fear or discussing your uncertainties in therapy, the ability to be
vulnerable paves the way for breakthroughs.
7. Dodging Difficult
Conversations
Finally, let’s talk about uncomfortable
chats.
Confronting a roommate about unpaid bills,
telling a boss you feel undervalued, or letting a partner know you’re feeling
disconnected—these aren’t fun conversations. But avoiding them only leads to unresolved
tension and, in many cases, long-term resentment.
When men sidestep tough discussions, they
often stay in stagnant situations, unable to move forward.
Addressing issues head-on takes courage, yes,
but it’s also a powerful way to demonstrate self-respect. Whether you’re
negotiating a raise or clarifying boundaries with a friend, being direct can
reshape your self-perception and your relationships for the better.
The bottom line
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these
habits, remember that awareness is the first step to change. None of these
patterns are permanent, and all of them can be adjusted with the right mindset
and support system.
Also keep in mind that personal growth is a
journey, not an instant fix. Give yourself grace along the way.
And if you need an extra boost, don’t hesitate
to talk to someone—whether it’s a therapist, a close friend, or a mentor. We
all stumble sometimes; what matters is taking the step to get back up and keep
moving forward.
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